Ask Omnitrix1
by Omnitrix1
Summary: Parody of "Ask ThatGuyWithTheGlasses." Omnitrix1 listens to any and all questions, and answers in a very disturbing, yet hilarious way.
1. Chapter 1

Ask Omnitrix1

Episode 1

A 16-year old boy with blond hair, wearing a green robe, and smoking a pipe is currently standing in front of a bookshelf. In his hand is the book, "Moby Dick," which he appears to be reading. He does this for a few moments, 'till he finally takes notice of the audience.

"Oh, hello there, didn't see you come in," the boy says, closing his book and taking the pipe out of his mouth. "Greetings, and welcome, to Ask Omnitrix1!"

(Ask Omnitrix1)

(If you were a pojemon trainer what would you chose as your starter out of all pokemon games from pokemon red-pokemon black or white which one from any of those games would you choose?)

"That's a VERY good question," said Omni, "Personally, I'd choose Charmander."

"Now I know what you're thinking. Why Charmander, Omni?" said Omni, "Well, he seems like my kind of guy, that's why. Like in the original series, he started off as a perfectly nice Pokemon. Just for some reason his trainer abandoned him. And Ash, being the Gary-Stu he was, decided to take him in. And from there, they were great partners."

"But then he grew up and turned into an obnoxious prick. He would never listen to Ash, always hit Ash with a flamethrower whenever he told him what to do, and just acted outright lazy. Basically your average teenager," Omni said.

"But this also begs the question on the heck did Ash keep letting him out if he knew Charizard wasn't going to listen to him? Simple, because Ash is an idiot," said Omni, "But back to the topic, I would choose Charmander. Because, when he grew up, he never listened to authority figures… Unless he got something from it. Just like me."

"Yes."

(Can You Travel Backwards in Time?)

"Why of course I can," Omni answered, "Why do you think we haven't accomplished world peace yet?"

"That's right, I'm responsible for all those terrible things that happened to mankind over the years."

"Like who killed Archduke Francis Ferdinand?" Omni asked, "Why me of course."

"Who inspired a young Adolf Hitler to take over Germany and start his own Third Reich? Me also."

"Who made the stalk market crash in 1929? Me again," said Omni, with a disturbing smile, "Basically every single terrible thing in human history is all my fault. Every. Single. One. Which reminds me, I still need to go back in time so I can convince 18th century southerners to make African-Americans their slaves."

"One moment."

Omni then vanished in a haze of sparkles; with Star Trek beaming sound accompanying it. Then, in less than ten seconds, Omni reappeared, his face completely covered in dirt, and many rips in his robe.

"I'm a terrible person," he said calmly.

"Yes."

(Why don't you answer my questions?)

Omni just stood there, being silent, with his awkward smile, and pipe in his hand.

(What is the meaning of life?)

"Oh, really, even I don't know the answer to that," Omni said, "But I know someone who does."

Omni the pulled a cell phone out from his robe pocket, dialed in a number, and held up the phone to the side of his head.

"Hello, Jesus? Yes, this Omnitrix1. Yes, that's right, Omni," Omni then paused for a moment letting Jesus talk on the other end, "Oh yes, Jesus, I love you too. Oh stop, you're making me blush. Hey, can you answer a question for me? What is the meaning of life?"

Omni listened as Jesus spoke on the other end, and as he listened, he slowly looked more surprised.

"Really? All this time? Wow, I can't believe it. This has really opened my eyes. Thank you for sharing it with me Jesus. Please give my regards to your father. Thank you, good bye."

Omni then took the phone away from his head, ended the call, and looked towards the audience.

"He says it's none of your dang business."

(If you could make a band what would your bands name be?)

"I'd be called 'Omnitrix1: All About Me,'" Omni answered, "All our songs would be about me, all of our money would go to me, every theme of our concerts would be, in some way, centered around me. Heck, I'd probably be the only member."

"I can be the lead singer, back-up singer, lead back-up singer, lead guitarist, lead bassist, head drummer, stage effects supervisor, and my manager could be Tonto."

The screen then rushes over to Tonto, who's lying in his bed, playing a PSP.

"What?" Tonto asked, looking away from his game.

(What is the answer to the Ultimate question?)

"Cheddar," Omni answered in his strangely calm tone.

"This is Omnitrix1 saying, there's no such thing as a stupid question," Omni then put his pipe in his mouth, and blew a few puffs of smoke, "Until you think of it."

_Ask your random questions today!_

(A/N: Pleas tell me what you think, and tell how if I need to fix anything)


	2. Chapter 2

Ask Omnitrix1

Episode 2

At the moment, Omni was again standing in front of his bookshelf, wearing his robe, and smoking his pipe. And in his hand was a book entitled, "The Complete works of William Shakespeare." He did this for a few seconds before taking notice of the audience.

"Oh, Buenos Dias, didn't see you come in," he said, closing the book and taking the pipe out of his mouth, "Greetings and welcome to Ask Omnitrix1."

(Ask Omnitrix1)

(Why haven't you done any new episodes of Ask Omnitrix1?)

"That's a VERY good question," Omni said, "And the answer is because no one has submitted questions."

"I mean come on people, I need questions," Omni said raising his voice and sounding annoyed, "I mean, do you just expect me to come up with these questions? No! I refuse to ask questions I already know the answers to!"

"Heck, in the last chapter, I got questions from a friend in school, and one of my internet friends, and look what that got me!"

"Also, special thanks to Noah and Spark for submitting questions, I really needed them," Omni said, his tone becoming calm again.

"Now I know what you're thinking. If no one has submitted questions, then how come there's an update? Simple, because I made all these questions myself. I mean, yeah sure, it's completely contradicting what I said about refusing to ask questions, but you would be surprised how my mind works."

"Which reminds me," then suddenly Omni reached into his robe pocket and pulled out a gun. Omni then walked off screen with the gun in hand, and off screen, there was a loud gunshot, and a woman's scream. Omni then walked back on screen with the gun and put it down on one of the shelves behind him.

"Anyways, like I was saying, please submit questions. I really need them, and it would be much appreciated," Omni said at first sounding calm, but then his voice started to sound a bit crazier, "Oh, and everyday I post a chapter with most of the questions made up by me, people will die. Starting tonight. I'm a man of my word."

"Yes."

(What is your favorite episode of Dora the Explorer?)

Omni didn't even answer the question. Instead he looked horrified, with his mouth wide open, and not saying a single word.

"DON'T YOU DARE BRING UP THAT SHOW AGAIN!" Omni yelled with great anger.

(If you were a member of any Lantern Corps, which Corps would you most likely be a member of?)

"You know, if I had to think about it, I'd say I'd most likely be a member of the Red or Orange Lantern Corps," Omni answered.

"Now I bet you're wondering how the heck I'd be able to a get a ring from either of these Corps," Omni said to the audience in a charming manner, "Well first off, Orange Lantern Power Rings usually go to greedy people. Like in Blackest Night when the Orange Lantern ring chose Lex Luthor. The reason it chose him was, and I quote," Omni the put on a pair of glasses and held a copy of one of the Blackest Night titles, " 'Lex Luthor of Earth, You Want it All!' Huh, that's simple."

Omni then took off the glasses and threw them, and the Blackest Night title, to the side.

"So in order to be an Orange Lantern, you have to be a very greedy person, which I am. Like for example, you see these books," Omni said gesturing towards his bookshelf, "About ¾ of them are stolen. Heck, these aren't even my clothes."

"So in other words, because I am incredibly greedy, I would make a perfect candidate for the Orange Lantern Corps… Or I could just go to Agent Orange's place, try and steal his powers, and then he'd kill me and turn me into one of his many Lantern constructs of people who came to take his power but failed. Either way, I'd get a ring."

"As for the Red Lantern Corps, I think it's perfectly obvious how I'd get one of their rings," and when Omni said that, he gained his disturbing smile, and his face twitched a couple times.

(Can I be your assistant?)

"You know, now that you mention it, I have been looking for someone new to do my laundry and serve me hot beverages," Omni said sounding interested, "So, sure, why not? You can be my new assistant. Just send me your resume, and I'll be sure to give a thorough look over."

"Besides, you can't be any worse than my present assistant."

Then, when Omni said that, Tonto walked in from the side of the screen, and he was wearing an apron. Also, he appeared to be carrying a silver plate with a glass of Sprite on it.

"Your soda sir," Tonto said offering Omni the beverage.

"Why thank you slave," Omni said taking the soda. Omni then took a large gulp of the contents of the glass, and then spit it out on Tonto.

"This soda is too warm," Omni yelled, putting the glass back on the silver plate, "Fetch me a new one, cold this time!"

Tonto then grumbled under his breath, but he obediently turned around and walked off screen to get Omni a new drink. Omni then looked back towards the audience, and adopted his cheerful smile again.

"Next question."

(What are your thoughts on the Dr. Seuss movies?)

"Oh you really wanna know? Alright, I guess I'll tell you my thoughts on the Seuss movies."

(The Grinch)

"Jim Carrey is my comedy idol, and I love many of the movies he stars in… Except 'Yes Man.' That was the only Jim Carrey movie I disliked."

(The Cat in the Hat)

"Loved it in my childhood, but nowadays I see it as a guilty pleasure. It's bad, but I can't help feeling nostalgic when I watch it."

(Horton Hears a Who)

"Though I saw the ending musical number to be dumb, I liked this movie like any other Jim Carrey movie… That is 'till my niece came over to my house and watched this movie over, and over, and over," and as Omni continued talking, his voice rose and he started to sound more distressed, "and over, and over, AND OVER, AND OVER, AND OVER, AND OVER, AND OVER, AND- GOD, PLEASE TURN IT OFF!" And immediately Omni dug his face into his hands, and he appeared to be crying.

(The Lorax)

"All I have to say is, I just hope 'Despicable Me 2' will finally be their next good movie."

(What is your favorite animal?)

"Why dogs of course," Omni answered, "I love dogs. And thankfully, not in any way that is considered disturbing or morally wrong. I'm just a dog person."

"Speaking of which," Omni said looking towards the ground, "Here's my little buddy right now."

Omni then leaned down and picked up a black and gold furred Shiba Inu dog.

"Hi there Xander-bo-bander," Omni said in baby talk, "Say hi to the millions of people watching and most likely mocking me right now." Omni then turned Xander towards the camera, grabbed one of his paws, and made Xander wave.

"This is Omnitrix1 saying, there's no such thing as a stupid question," Omni then put his dog under his left arm, and used his free hand to put his pipe in his mouth, and smoke a few puffs, "Until you think of it."

Omni then raised his dog up and said, while he was leaving, "Now let's go get you a treat, little buddy."

_Ask your random question today!_


	3. Chapter 3

Ask Omnitrix1

Episode 3

Again, Omni was standing in front of his book shelf, wearing is robe, and smoking his pipe. And in his hand was a book entitled, "Goosebumps Horrorland: Escape from Horrorland." He continued to read this book with a wide smile, before finally noticing the audience.

"Oh, aloha, didn't see you come in," he said closing the book and taking the pipe out of his mouth, "Greetings and welcome to Ask Omnitrix1."

(Ask Omnitrix1)

(What do you think is better. Power Rangers Samuri or Setais shinkenger?)

"That's a VERY good question," Omni said, "And the answer is; JUST LET IT DIE!"

"Oh come one you Power Ranger fanboys, if it wasn't for Super Sentai, your show wouldn't even exist. AT ALL! I mean, the original Power Rangers just used fight scenes from Zyuranger over and over. Heck, I know for a fact that the very first fight scenes that show used for the rangers when they morphed was a completely different context then the one they showed," Omni yelled with anger, "And that rocket in episode 2 didn't open a portal to another realm. In the original Sentai, it had two kids that Bandora kidnapped, and she was planning on blowing it up. THAT'S more awesome then making someone eat continually or having an opener for the WORST SABAN SHOW EVER MADE!" (please note that when I refer to the worst Saban series, I mean Masked Rider, because I see the Masked Rider in Power Rangers as the opener for that series. I am not saying power Rangers sucks, in fact I actually like Power Rangers, so please don't flame me)

Then, in a second, all of Omni's anger seemed to vanish, and he was now smiling plesently.

"Sorry about that outburst there. That question just brought out a bit of repressed memories and it just made me completely enraged. So I thank whoever asked that question for helping me show much of inner rage."

"I really do. Now what was your question again? Oh yeah, is Samurai better than Shinkenger. I don't know. I have never seen any episodes of Shinkenger, and therefore I cannot have an opinion on it."

"But, I must admit that both series' have the strengths and weaknesses, but in the end, I find myself enjoying both franchises."

"Besides, I think we all know which one's better. It's obviously-"

(SPAGHETTI)

(You there)

"No, I'm over there," Omni said, pointing towards a corner of the room.

(What title would you give this fic?)

Omni just stood there with his cheery smile, and looking confused.

"...Ask Omnitrix1," Omni said awkwardly.

(If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?)

"BECAUSE SHE'S AN UNGRATEFUL HAG WHO WILL JUST WALK ALL OVER YOUR HEART AS IF IT WERE NOTHING!" Omni yelled, and then immediately buried his face in his hands and broke down crying.

(Why?)

Omni just looked from side-to-side awkwardly and looked back at the audience confused.

"Why what?"

(Why?)

"Because I wanna know why you're asking 'why.'"

(Why?)

"So I can answer you question," Omni said, sounding a bit more peeved.

(Why?)

"Because that's sorta my JOB!"

(Why?)

"BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WOULD HIRE ME!" Omni yelled looking like he was holding back tears.

(Why?)

"BECAUSE I HAVE NO TALENT!" Omni yelled breaking down in tears, "THERE, IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO KNOW? IS THAT WHAT YOU'VE BEEN BUILDING UP TO THIS WHOLE TIME? WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, BECAUSE THIS LITTLE EXPERIENCE HAS NOW COMPLETELY RUINED MY ENTIRE- Wait, what was the question?"

(Why?)

"Oh, because I can," Omni said spontaneously recovering from his little relapse.

"Yes."

(Have you seen my dog?)

"Was it about this big?" Omni said, putting his hand down to his waist to outline how big the dog was on all fours.

(Yeah.)

"Did it have black fur?"

(Yeah, it did!)

"Was it extremely shy and have a red collar?"

(Yeah. You saw him?)

"Nope, never saw it before in my life."

"This is Omnitrix1 saying, there's no such thing as a stupid question," Omni then put his pipe in his mouth, and blew a few puffs of smoke, "Until you think of it."

_Ask your random questions today!_

(No seriously, SUBMIT QUESTIONS! Someone please spread the word about this story! I need more questions!)


End file.
